After twelve months with the software company I’ve been working with, I decided to resign. I didn’t leave in a disgruntled huff, like my last job, but rather this was a positive decision in the spirit of ‘onwards and upwards’. Well, maybe outwards rather than upwards.
When I was younger, I could never imagine myself working in an office. I just couldn’t imagine busying myself with office politics and menial tasks. This thought never left my consciousness, even as I fell into my second office job. It was gnawing away at me as each day I thought “Is this where I should be?”. The answer was – is – definitely “No.” As I was implanted in superannuation administration companies, insurance companies and (worst of all) Investment Banks, my spirit was dampened little by little each day.
I often wonder whether I’m being unrealistic and overindulgent and think that I should remain grateful for the opportunities that I’ve been given. Grateful, in fact, for even having a job in the first place. I wonder whether everyone else has the same painful, gut feeling that they’re wasting time, expelling energy in the wrong way, and if they simply ignore it for the greater good. If so, it must be easier for others to sideline their “pipe dream”, but for me the urge was too strong. I would come home after work most days and spend serious time thinking “This is really wrong”. Ultimately, there’s only so much of that you can take. I am indeed grateful. I’m grateful that the pain was too huge to merely put up with it.
I should be clear that I wasn’t in a concentration camp. Far from it. I had plenty of opportunity to travel, including the three or four months I spent in Singapore. That was an amazing experience, something I would not have imagined I would be doing this year. At the same time, it was a big disruption to my personal life, and made my theatre commitments a struggle to say the least (I almost have nervous fits thinking about how I flew home from Singapore and right into Dusty rehearsals just two weeks from opening). I’ve also gained a lot of experience, and had to face up to customers when I was very clearly wedged between a rock and a hard place. In the end, it was all too serious for my liking.
My current boss was in Las Vegas for work when I send the email. I was a wreck with anxiety. More so than seems reasonable. In the following discussions (there were three, each with one management level higher), I was equally nervous. “People quit,” I was being told by my friends, but it’s still no fun. I surprised myself in how open and honest I was regarding what I didn’t like and why I wanted to do something else. This helped the discussions and we tried to work out a way to make things work while staying with the company. In the end, I felt it was best to make a clean break and move on. I wanted to be ready for the next opportunity.
So where to next? I’m on the tail end of working out a strategy to stay alive. I thought long and hard about how I was going to do this, and it just sort of fell into place. My major focus will be a project I’ve been working on since December. I’ll be launching my own service for the global musical theatre community. It’s something I’m unbelievably passionate about, and I feel I’m the right person to give it legs. Having built it from scratch makes it my baby, and that feeling of creation is thrilling. It’s launching soon, so I’ll have details for you then, including where I want to take it.
I appreciate that this project is not going to feed me, so I have lined up some part-time work doing what I love – web development. In a complete shift of environments, I’ll be working for a community organisation that is unbelievable moral. What a change from Investment Banks. That was incredibly attractive to me. The timetable suited me well and I felt I was the perfect person for the job. I’m happy to say they thought so too and look forward to cracking on with that in a fortnight’s time. I will also continue to do some freelance work for some existing clients. That’s work I love too.
I finish up in 9 days, after 13 months of employment with the company. I’m busting at the seems to start my new arrangement. More than that, it feels like a new life. I’ll once again own my own time and do things I love, in my new home town. What could be better than that?
Yay!! It’s totally the right move. I’m so proud of you. 2011 is a year for new starts.
Hi Tyson, good luck with it all. I’m sure all will be okay, as you’re obviously very talented and motivated. If my own story helps with re-assurance: like you, I quit my first big proper job out of uni – working at Coles – because I really hated it. Week by week, I hated it more and more, until finally I quit. I had nothing to go to, even though I told my colleagues I was going somewhere I wanted. A few months later, I found the job that helped me follow my dream to work in radio. 22 years later… So if I can offer some middle-aged advice… take a chance… and just say yes.
Hi Tyson,
Good luck with it from me as well. When I was made redundant from my last job one of the tasks in my outplacement was a test of what sort of jobs I was most suited and interested in. I was very shocked and dismayed to find out it was accounting. To this day, I wish it was something else. (I think it also said something about me enjoying being a priest more than doing computer work).
Anyway, I firmly believe that since we need to do something to create an income to live, then you should do something that interests you – and keep moving about until you do find it.
The fact that you’re doing it now places you well for later in life. You should not be about to retire and reflect on your life and say well I despised my last 40 working years.
Best of luck and I’m sure you’ll find what you’re looking for, or at least have some great life experiences in trying to find it. Office work will always be there as a backup if it’s ever required. Hopefully not.
Gavin.
Thanks James. A little encouragement goes a long way! I figure I’ve never made a “big decision” and regretted it before, why would that change now? I’d rather jump into the unknown than be stuck with something even liveable. Oh, I almost applied for an interesting job at ABC Radio in Melbourne, but I got the other one which seemed to suit me better!
Thanks also to Gavin and Carla for your comments! I didn’t notice I had comments awaiting approval. Bad me.