I’ve just returned home from opening night of The Producers. Like all good complainers, I’m tired and hungry.

I rarely eat before an opening night as my stomach is set to “catch and release” mode. The last meal I ate was lunch at work, which I must admit included a dirty few hot chips. I can’t remember the last time I’ve eaten something that greasy, probably since moving out of home. I was okay while I was focusing on something at work, but as soon as my mind wandered, my stomach churned. I lost my lunch at some point that afternoon.

When I got home from work, I tried to relax for a while and had a short lie down. I could feel myself dozing off and my mind kept thinking “better not fall asleep or you’ll miss opening night.” I ate two pieces of toast with vegemite which surprisingly stayed with me.

I got to the theatre two hours before curtain and had sometime to potter around and relax, not that much of that was going on. I had a chat to some other guys in the cast, tried out the new pants for my first costume and double checked all my props. I checked out the seating map to see if I knew anyone in the audience and eventually got into costume, then makeup and hair.

There was a period of 20 minutes until opening when I just cooled off outside talking to some cast members which took my mind off the impending curtain. I’m not on stage for the first 10 or so minutes of the show, but after that it’s basically non-stop until Along Came Bialy at the end of Act One.

Our first scene with just Max and Leo (and a brief appearance of Hold-Me, Touch-Me) is a big one with lots of quick back and forth dialogue and lots of physical humour in the “hysterical” section. It’s a good chance to settle in with the audience and gauge how they are taking it. It’s odd how fast your brain is working on stage. The almost autopilot part of your brain is doing the lines and telling you were to move and what your face and body should be doing. You can cruise on this autopilot without if you’re well enough rehearsed, but I don’t find it entirely rewarding if I can’t be looking for something new, even if it’s a raised eyebrow or a finger. If you are not on autopilot and still give the same performance every show, that’s fine, but I think you can always tell in someone’s eyes where their mind is when they are on stage.

Particularly opening night, your mind is on the audience reactions. It takes the smallest fraction of a second to judge whether you’re going to get a laugh and wait or if the audience won’t respond and you should go on. For the first time tonight I got a decent laugh when I backstroke across the stage through Max’s legs. I thought about that for half a second and made a mental note to make it a cleaner action next time.

Due to the small amount of food I had eaten, I was low on energy by the time Act Two came on, and I really needed the intermission to just sit down. Act Two opens with That Face which knackers me every time. I sing two verses and three choruses, then do a rather physical comedy dance routine and then have to finish singing the song, and it’s scary to face that at the top of Act Two; I think I’d rather it be a surprise in the middle of the act.

Act Two also includes several costume changes for me, almost all of which are extremely fast, and involve multiple layers of costumes. I’m semi-naked in the wings, running around in my underwear at times, but the girls in the cast are very helpful in getting me dressed. Tonight I failed to find the bow tie for my tux at the very end of the show which I usually keep in the jacket pocket. Of course, as soon as I walked off stage I noticed the bow tie shaped lump in my pants pocket.

After the show I received a lot of lovely compliments from people in the audience. Call it egomania if you like, but it’s very rewarding to hear that people have enjoyed the show. It’s particularly nice when people you don’t know want to tell you how much they enjoyed it.

When I auditioned for the part I was worried about how I might handle the songs and dances. I think I’ve done a little better than I originally thought I would. Singing all the time really does improve your range and there are no high notes I’ve had to fake out on; I enjoy hitting my highest note, an F# at the end of Where Did We Go Right. One thing that never bothered me was the comedy side of things. I knew the material was extremely funny and there is not a whole lot you can do to mess it up, but most of the compliments I have had have been about the comic timing. I really just pull a few faces here and there and came up with a few sight gags and that’s about it. I think our director gave us some very clever and funny staging, and I noticed the audience loved those bits tonight.

Two shows tomorrow is a scary thought. I don’t remember if I’ve been this concerned about energy in previous shows, but I’m hoping I’ll get through it just fine. I think I’ll just need a serious sit down and a good sleep tonight.

I’m alive, but it has been a weird time. Adjusting to living on my own has finally caught up, and I’m trying to find a way to always have noise and people. I do a lot of cooking. I get a little bit of cabin fever at times even when I’m very busy. It’s easy to mistake the flow of the cars for the ocean and the noises of my neighbours as shifting old wood. I’m surprised at how much the white noise can throw me off and make me feel lonely very quickly.

I am currently working on two shows, one which opens this coming Friday and is scaring me silly. It’s huge, exhausted, thrilling and I just hope my body stays with me. It has been a stressful time and I’ve had a chest infection for a few weeks now. Blogging has been the last thing on my mind. This surprises me, because it used to be something I loved do. It was always just another way of entertaining.

I am not giving this up; In fact I decided it was better to break the ice now, no matter how unexciting the words were, just so it’s easier to start writing next time. I had tried a few times before, but felt I didn’t have enough to write. It’s not true through, I have pictures and stories to share. And I will.

I actually was prompted to write this, my less-than-spectacular comeback special, for two reasons after searching through the blog for an old entry. Firstly, this has always been a very good way for me to keep a diary, so I can look back and see when things happened and how I felt. Secondly, It reminds me of who I am. So much has changed in my life this year and it can be hard to connect my current life to who I was just six or nine months ago. I stumbled across a rather inane sentence I had written just under 12 months ago and thought to myself, “Ah yes, that is who I am”.

This just seems to be a time when I need the occasional reminder.